Sigh.. why am i like this? i dreamt of a love like Hyun Jun & Seung Hee's in IRIS, without hyunjun death (obviously). just one quick strong love that lasts forever. yup. that's what i'm missing. i just haven't met that person yet. although i've said i'd met my ideal 'calon menantu' but.. the feelings just doesn't add up. coz in the time of i-thought-i-like-him, i still think of the other guy. yes, Pattaya. i know i know, i'd said i've moved on, you have no IDEA how crushed i am learning about his relationship.. which is past 1 year now. but that's not what i'm talking about. i've said once that i didn't give him any signal indicating i 'want' him, just enough to let him know i 'like' him. and i don't regret doing that. sometimes he does ask me whether i would want to follow him or u know.. stuffs. Now, maybe (just maybe) he now found another which he can share his likes & dislikes with her. coz i just don't deserve that.. no.. i'm not into that. see! that's the problem, i'm not interested with the things that he liked! is it a must to have the same interest as he does? wouldn't that make me a hypocrite? he likes 'art', i never appreciate art unless it's in a form of couture & dresses that i can wear or a car design. i love sports, he.. never heard him play. he hates korean stuff, i'm obsessed with korean stuffs. see how different we are? i can't stay like this anymore, forcing myself to be different so that i can understand him better. then what about me? who will understand me??
oh, it's been many times pattaya smiles at me, but i don't feel a thing. in fact, each time he smiles my mind will say,"sigh, apa saja yang awak mahu dari saya?" maybe it's true that i've moved on. alhamdulillah.
p/s: i love this guy ------------------->
